


Living Proof

by could-be-calliope (206265)



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Gender Envy, experimental use of future tense, nb sasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:21:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28890522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/206265/pseuds/could-be-calliope
Summary: "Hi," the alchemist declares brightly, thrusting out a soot-stained hand and grinning. "Cel Sidebottom, they/them."Oh, Sasha thinks.Just like that.(Written for Sasha Week 2021 for the prompt 'Greener Grass,' which focuses on canon-divergent 'what if's'.)
Relationships: Sasha Racket & Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom
Comments: 9
Kudos: 39
Collections: Sasha Week 2021





	Living Proof

**Author's Note:**

> Well folks, I’m new to the nb club, so I thought I’d write new-to-the-nb-club!sasha. I’m aware that this is a bit heavy handed but this is a new writing theme for me so please be patient with me.
> 
> Content warnings for stress regarding one’s gender and a mention of a (canonical and quickly-rescinded) misgendering.
> 
> (Title very loosely from "Dance Yrself Clean" by LCD Soundsystem, but I thought about it while writing so that should count for something.)

Sasha’s first thought, upon seeing Cel, was _like me_. She’d been sunk knee-deep in the mud and had to squint to keep the downpour from her eyes, but that didn’t keep her from noticing the slim figure surrounded by unconscious thugs, clutching the most beautiful crossbow she’d ever seen. That untamed shock of white-blond hair was something Eldarion never would’ve allowed, and that alone sent a prickle of– envy, maybe– down Sasha’s spine. This was someone who understood that one simply could not get good work done while trapped in a gown. That part is familiar. The other part isn’t.

“Hi,” the alchemist had declared brightly, once it was over. “Cel Sidebottom, they/them.”

No amount of twisting the problem over in her mind was enough for Sasha to unpick the tangled knot of uncertainty and jealousy and something like want. She wasn’t so naïve not to have seen this sort of thing before, people rejecting _he_ and _she_ and opting for something new. This isn't even her first time relearning how to shape a sentence around Cel's chosen _they_ and _them_. It's just that usually, she doesn't feel quite so much of an ache when she does it.

So Sasha grits her teeth in solidarity when 'she' slips past Azu’s lips and is taken back just as quick, watches Cel wave away her hasty apologies with a tight smile, and can’t believe they got this far. 

(By the time Sasha had figured out the not-a-girl thing, Eldarion had made it very clear that no one would ever consider her a lady. And that very much wasn't the point, but disagreeing with Eldarion never did anyone any good.)

But the thing that still gets to her, even after a few months of meeting too many new people to count, is the effortlessness of it all. Every time, without fail, the same introduction like it isn't the scariest damn thing. Even thinking about it makes Sasha’s heart accelerate like she’s seconds from being spotted. And she wants it so badly she _aches_.

* * *

They’ll have saved the world by the time Sasha finally musters the will to bring it up with Cel. It won’t matter much how they manage it, but her family will be safe and Sasha will be calm in a way she hadn’t had time to be before. The irony, that saving the world was harder than whatever _this_ is, certainly isn’t lost on her.

Cel will be in their workshop, when she finally goes to ask them, and of course, the others will have headed out on one of their peacekeeping missions, leaving the pair of them alone. This won’t be an accident, even if Sasha will have learned to trust a gentle hand rested on her shoulder or the infrequent embrace before she wriggles away, laughing. This won’t be something for them to see.

“Didn’t spot you there!” Cel will declare with all their usual zeal, even though they never do. The vial of some-such clutched in their hands will nearly spill from the force of their enthusiasm, and judging by the splotches of colour on the floor, this will be expected. Still, Sasha won’t ever enjoy the task of hauling away the remains of Cel’s last workshop and constructing the newest one. She will speak up quickly, to avoid the spilling of their current reagent.

“Cel,” she’ll begin, “can you help me?”

Cel will be eager as always, two-toned gaze flickering over Sasha to check for hurts, that wild intelligence flickering in their eyes. And it won’t take them long to gently prod at the issue until it comes to light.

“How did you do it,” Sasha will finally say, or “you’re braver than me,” or “you make it look so easy.”

This is when Cel’s eyebrows will quirk in that distinctive way as they watch Sasha stand before them, hands carefully positioned over the few daggers she keeps on her person.

“Oh,” they’ll say, with a knowing air that isn’t nearly as condescending as it should be. “Oh, hon.”

And Cel will clear a space for Sasha to sit, will hand her some mechanical marvel to keep her hands busy, and Cel will begin to talk.

Cel will call her brave, which is ridiculous, but she can’t deny that it feels nice. Cel will say that all this matters as much or as little as she wants it to. Cell will say these things take a while to figure out and it's okay to take the time she needs.

And Sasha will let out a breath she’s been holding for half a lifetime, and she’ll let Cel show her that she isn’t dealing with this alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I listened to all those scenes with Azu and Cel, and just really vibed with Cel as the queer elder automatically trying to take care of the younger party members. And then I thought “what if nb sasha getting Big Gender Vibes from cel.”


End file.
